Earl Grey & Ritalin

who puts ritalin in their child’s tea?

my mom, apparently

 

every morning 

she would make tea

but one morning

during 3rd grade

she would slip ritalin 

into the mug

right after the sugar

 

maybe this is why

I’d stop talking to my friends

I’d stop doing homework

stop eating

fake sick

and cry to myself

 

her solution, of course

was to put me on more ritalin

but would watch me take it 

to keep her hands clean

 

all that continued

and still I wondered

why do I feel bad

 

thoughts drip 

through the side of my skull

melting into my desk

 

a hole straight through my stomach

my skin

flaked and peeled from scratching

I watch my body fail

 

eventually I left school

took some time off

and went to school somewhere else

 

new friends and anxieties emerged

the pulsing intensity remained

a lifelong friend, methylphenidate

I feed it water

as it devours my body

internally

 

circadian pulses of energy

my purpose is to feed

to consume endlessly

until I’m gone

decomposed

 

why medicate your children?

shift their brains in such a way

so that they’re no longer a child?

get them started early

for the rigors they’ll face

in the real world

 

their brains are abnormal

broken

they can’t function 

unless

you fill this plastic bottle 

every 30 days

and pump them full of stimulants

 

you must alter their brain chemistry

so they’ll do well in school

shape their brains to our environment

 

our environment

structured around

Discipline.

Authority.

Correct and Incorrect.

 

Your child is incorrect.

 

two years ago

my mom got her thyroid gland removed

 

I came back from school 

to see

a deep scar 

rooted on her neck

 

next to her bed was a bottle of pills

I asked

what happens if you stop taking these

she paused

 

a subtle grin struct her face

I die

she replied casually

 

we have healthcare

through her work

but I know she won’t work forever

she needs this bottle to live

 

an artificial metabolism

pumping life

through her body

propped up by pills

 

her body is broken

without these pills

and with them

she’s set to expire

 

Your body is incorrect.

 

Without us,

You will die.

We own you.

We chose when you die.

 

We own your mother.

When she stops paying us,

She dies.

Her body is incorrect.