Quarantine Homestead

 

I am living in a paradox

Finally, I have all the time in the world

and yet,

I don’t.

 

each day folds into itself

puncturing every hour

with tasks that maintain existence

or so I’m told

 

I take adderall to help push

my mind through the walls each day holds

but it makes me hate 

 

it makes me hate the ones I love.

 

I see everything clearly frozen in time,

Every sound rips through me

Any sound I hear breaks me from this clarity.

 

There is always a sound,

There will always be a sound,

How can I exist in a place which holds eternal sound?

 

* * *

 

Just for one moment

I can feel that space of peace,

The one I go to where there are no sounds

Where I can escape…

 

The clarity of experience i always desire,

 

I think i finally found it.

 

In this moment, at the edge of the river,

This is where you find god.

 

* * *

 

I stood here as a child,

I couldn’t swim then

and I felt fear.

I still can’t swim,

But now the fear is gone.

 

Now the river vibrates

The plants feed of it,

and i finally feel it too.

 

Is this what it means 

to find peace?

to find god?

 

or is this just quiet?

for once

it is quiet.